Retard Action
by ELJ Stories
Summary: Bill is back, and this time, he's in Hollywood. Twenty brand new contestants fight for the 1,000,000 grand prize. And the catch? They have to do movie-themed challenges. Also, crap is about to get real. Who'll win? What will happen? I'm certainly not telling you. That's for you to figure out.
1. Another Trip To Hell

Retard Action by ELJ Stories

Chapter 1: Another Trip To Hell

Somewhere in Hollywood, California stood an abandoned studio. And in front of that studio was a man in a familiar tuxedo. It had been one year since the season finale of Retard Island. "Hey. It's me again. The name's Bill. You may know me as the host of Retard Island. If you don't know of my persona, then I feel sorry for you. Anyways, welcome to another season of the Retard series. Now, onto the rules."

"The rules are pretty much the same as last season. Four teams of five (the team names, by the way, are Red, Blue, Yellow, and Green) compete in dangerous challenges to win immunity (and sometimes a prize). Sadly, immunity can only go to three of those four teams. The one team that doesn't receive immunity must go to an elimination ceremony to vote off one (or two in rare cases) of their team members. That poor sucker must step on the red X before the trapdoor underneath the X opens, where they will be taken to Loserville. Once we have 10 players remaining, the teams get dismantled, leaving every man, woman, child, and creature to themselves. Also, two previously booted competitors (a boy and a girl) get another chance to win the grand prize of $1,000,000. With this sudden merging of the teams, individual immunity now becomes a thing, causing only one contestant to be exempt from being sent to Loserville. Finally, when 2 players are left, they will compete in the hardest challenge of the season. And in the end, one of them will be crowned our winner. But, before we move on, there's still one more thing I must mention. Along with the $1,000,000 prize, the contestants will also have a chance to win the 'Fan Favorite' award. This award will give one player a $50,000 bonus. But here's the twist. You, the viewer, will get to choose who wins it."

"Sheesh. I think I topped last season's explanation in terms of making me lose my breath. Oh well. I've kept you waiting long enough. It's time to meet this season's contestants." Bill finished.

The cameras zoomed in on a limo filled with all of last season's competitors. It was heading to the abandoned studio. But, as soon as the limo was right by the studio, it didn't stop. It kept on going. "NOOOO!" screamed a voice. Then, the cameras got back to recording Bill. "What? You thought those outdated losers were coming back? Fool, didn't you see the teaser trailer?! Anyways, instead of those guys coming back, I have a batch of brand new contestants coming their way. In fact, one of the limos carrying those said contestants has just arrived." Bill said as the first limo made it's way to the studio.

It dropped off a young man with spiky hair, a Kanto-esque outfit, and 10 badges on his shirt. He looked at the place he was going to call home for the next few months. "This place is a dump. I didn't sign up to live in an old, abandoned movie studio." he complained. "Oh contraire, Gary, you did sign up for this. It said so on the contract. Want to see for yourself?" Bill stated as he took out a 50-page contract. "You do realize that none of us read that stupid contract, right?" Gary asked. "I know. I just love to see your reaction to when you arrive." Bill stated. Gary rolled his eyes as the next limo showed up.

"Finally! I thought we'd never get out of that limo! It was BORING!" said a blue blob the second he got out. What? Were you expecting more of a description? He's literally a blue blob. "Bloo, it wasn't that boring." said an 8-year old boy with brown hair, a red shirt with white sleeves, green khakis (I think they're khakis), and a darker green backpack. "We were only in that limo for 2 hours." Bloo stated, "Yeah, with absolutely nothing to do." The boy (who goes by Mac, just to let you know) rolled his eyes, seeing no point in continuing their current discussion.

Another limo soon came into view, dropping off a girl similar to Peach, but with shorter brown hair and an orange dress. "Man, I am so pumped!" the tomboyish princess shouted after getting out of her limo. "Good to know, Daisy. Now go over there." Bill said before pointing to where the other competitors were. As she made her way, Gary got a good look of her. And I mean a GOOD one. He was admiring her natural beauty (please, she's too good (and tomboyish) for that s**t you call makeup). "Hello lady. Aren't you just the cutest?" he flirted. However, she didn't take that too kindly. "I'm already taken." she said in an unnecessarily rude manner. "Wow. Sucks to be you. You know he can't love you like I can, right?" he blurted out. Daisy's face was as red as a rose. She bitch slapped the gym leader across the face, leaving a mark on his cheek. "Someone's a feisty one." Gary said, ignoring the fact that he just got smacked moments before.

!

** Daisy: Is this the confessional?**

** Intern: Yep.**

** Daisy: Cool. {walks in and sits down}. Honestly, it's better than last season's. Anyways, I may be a moron, but I'm not mentally retarded. What does that little bastard think he's dealing with? My Weegee-poo is the best man a girl like me can find. Now I know how Peach felt when that Ash kid was constantly bugging her.**

!

** Gary: I love a girl that plays hard to get. She may not realize it, but that loser is not what she deserves. She'll have to find out the hard way, I guess.**

!

Then, another limo showed itself. But, this wasn't your average contestant. In fact, this guy (or bird, as I should say) was someone not even Bill expected. The minute he stepped out, Bill's face turned from the usual grin made from the darkest parts of Hell to a frown made from the Heavens. "OH NO! ASSISTANT!" Bill screamed almost as angrily as when he did in the final episode of Retard Island. Suddenly, Cheren appeared and asked, "Yes Bill?" Bill yelled, "WHY, OF ALL THE BEINGS IN THIS GOD-FORSAKEN UNIVERSE, IS THIS BASTARD A F**KING CONTESTANT IN MY SHOW?!" The poor nerd was trembling in fear. "W-Why are y-you asking m-me t-this?" Cheren asked, barely saying anything without stuttering. "I-I wasn't in charge o-of t-the casting o-of t-the contestants." Bill sarcastically said, "My bad. I thought the janitor did that. BUT YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR APPROVING THEM WITH MY PERMISSION! Apparently, you let this one slide." It was true. Cheren did approve Pidove as a competitor. And he also made sure not to tell Bill. The reason why, you ask? Well, you'll find out soon enough. "Just go back to your office. I'll deal with you later." And Cheren did just that. He ran to his office at the speed of light. Somewhere in Green Hill Zone, Sonic is throwing a massive tantrum. Back with Bill, Pidove was standing where he stood when he got off of his limo. "Don't say a word. Just go with the others, and leave me the hell alone." Pidove shrugged and did so.

Soon, another limo had dropped of a contestant. That said contestant, like Bloo, was a blob. However, he was pink instead of blue, and he had red feet. "(Insert a sound that Kirby makes here.)" the pink marshmallow said, which translated to 'Hello'. But, Bill was too pissed to notice the little guy. Kirby shrugged it off and went to where the others were at.

Once again, a limo came and went, dropping off a competitor in the process. It was a baby blue colored old fart who wore glasses, had a white moustache, had a big nose and ears, and a suit meant for kitchens (man, I wish he was a girl or at least a she male. That way, I can say 'Get back in the kitchen.' without him knowing). He looked like he was recently beaten up. Bill was over his little problem and said, "Welcome to the- Jesus! What happened to you?!" The old fart looked like he remembered that he was beaten to a pulp and answered, "Oh it's nothing. But let's just say I have problems with a certain kid." Bill guessed, "It's Chowder, isn't it?" Our oldest competitor (not kidding) nodded his head. "I figured. Well Mung, try to be careful with some of your opponents. Some of them can be violent." He took his crutches and made his way to his competition.

A limo… you get the idea. Unlike the last few limos, this one carried three of the contestants. One of them was practically a midget in size, had three strands of hair on his head, had pink skin, a yellow shirt with a red stripe, jeans, and red sneakers. Another was taller, wore a wig that looked like an oversized black sock, had on a red shirt and jeans, had light tan skin, and blue sneakers. The last one was about the same in height, had small strands of hair on his head, wore a red and white shirt under a dark green jacket, jeans, blue sneakers, and had yellow skin. Basically, they're like the Stooges, but in adolescent form. "If it isn't Ed, Edd, and Eddy. How are you three doing?" Bill said to the recently arrived dudes. Before they could say anything, Bill blurted out, "Fantastic! Now go check on everyone else." Unexpectedly, footsteps could be heard from a distance. As the figure got closer, any person with decent intellect can tell that it was Ash. Once at the studio, he took a screeching halt and panted. After regaining his breath, Ash said, "Hey Bill. The limo didn't stop for some weird reason. Why's that?" Bill was sort of annoyed that Ash was wasting his precious screen time by showing up. Regardless, he answered the retard's burning question. "It's because you and the other previous contestants aren't competing." is what came out of the host's lips. "Oh, that's a- WHAT?! What do you mean we aren't competing?" Ash said at the sudden realization of not being able to compete for $1,000,000. "You see, here's the thing. You guys are old news. A thing of the past. I've moved on from last year. It's time to let these people have their moment in the spotlight. Now why don't you step on that red X over there." Bill explained. Ash walked over to the red X and stood on it. "Perfect." Bill took out a red button and pushed it. Ash soon found himself in a cannon. "What gives?!" he yelled. "All I can say is… peace be with you, beyotch!" Bill said as he lit the fuse. Seconds later, Ash flew away Team Rocket style. "Thank God, he's gone." Mac asked nervously, "We don't have to be shot out of that cannon when we get eliminated, right?" Bill replied, "It depends. If you piss me off, you will. If not, then you won't." The contestants gulped. Especially Pidove.

The next limo came to drop off a sponge with square pants and a sea star with nothing but green and purple shorts on. "Oh my gosh! Patrick, look! It's an abandoned movie studio! Do you know what that means?!" the sponge said to his star shaped friend. "Uh, we get free popcorn." Patrick guessed. "I suppose. But that also means we're going to become actors! We'll be famous!" the sponge corrected while jumping up and down due to pure excitement. Soon, they started squealing, almost making everyone's ears bleed. "Okay. You can go meet the others now." Bill said. "Others?" Patrick questioned. "Patrick, didn't you know that other people were going to be here as well as us?" SpongeBob asked. Patrick thought about it before remembering that 18 other people were also competing. Then, they scurried to meet the other contestants.

And, you guessed it, another limo showed it's face to the cameras. It dropped off a hedgehog somewhat similar to Sonic, but he was black and red instead of blue. "Welcome to-" Bill said before being interrupted. "Can it, you lousy excuse of a host. I don't even want to be here." the Sonic copycat interrupted while going over to his opponents. "Someone took their jerkass pills today." Bill commented.

Two more contestants showed up by jumping out of their limo before it even stopped. They landed several feet from Bill. One of them was a teenage boy with a polar bear-esque hat, a blue short sleeve shirt, dark blue shorts, and a neon green backpack. The other was a yellow bulldog that can apparently stretch like that one guy from the Fantastic Four. "Finn and Jake. I'm glad to see you finally made it." Bill greeted. "That's nice, but did you see that jump? Man, that was awesome." Finn said to Jake. "Probably one of our best." Jake agreed. Soon, they were heading to where everyone else was hanging out.

Our next contestant didn't arrive in a limo. Instead, he showed up by riding a small propeller with two miniature spinning blades. He had red hair, he wore a lab coat, and he wore black boots. "Welcome, Dexter. Say, why didn't you ride in your limo?" Bill greeted. "Oh please. I wasn't going to travel in something that horrendous." Dexter explained. This kind of pissed off our host. "Well, it's good to have you here. Hope you enjoy your time here (while it lasts)." Bill said as Dexter joined the others. "_I bet he'll be one of the first to leave._"

Like Dexter, the next contestant flew to the studio rather than taking a limo. This pissed Bill off even more. "Seriously. You didn't take the limo?" he asked more rudely than he did with Dexter. This contestant happened to be a flying squirrel that sort of resembled a Pikachu. "What limo? I never saw a limo." the squirrel said, making it easy to tell that it was a female. "_Grant is SO fired when he gets back._" Bill thought. Then, he said, "Don't worry about it. All that matters is that you're here." She flew to the others to get to know them better.

Speaking of Pikachus, the next limo dropped one off. If you want to know what a Pikachu looks like, Google it you lazy a**holes! "Hey Bill." the electric mouse said, identifying that it was in fact a guy. "What's up, Pikachu? Glad to have you here." Bill greeted. But, he was soon left to himself when Pikachu eyeballed Emolga (the flying squirrel from earlier).

!

** Pikachu: Well, it looks like the love bug bit me where it hurt, because I am in love!**

!

The semifinal limo dropped off another princess. But, unlike Daisy, she did not have a similar appearance to Peach. She had long, brown hair, a purple dress, and elf-like ears. "Princess Zelda. Welcome." Bill greeted. "For being a princess, I wasn't treated like one." she commented. "I'm sorry about that. Why don't you meet your competition." Bill apologized. She left to meet the people she was going to be stuck with for the next few months. Bill thought, "_Looks like Grant isn't the only one who deserves the pink slip_."

Finally, the last limo was in Bill's eyesight. Inside was a green dinosaur with red shoes on. He fluttered his way out of the limo. "Welcome, Yoshi. How's life?" Bill said to the fellow dinosaur. "Fine." he replied. "Good. Well, now that everyone's here, let's take a photo." Bill said as everyone gathered for a photo.

Everyone looked around themselves to see if anything fishy was there. There wasn't, so they got into their poses and smiled bright. "Okay, everyone say, 'Justin Bieber needs therapy.'" Bill said while getting the camera ready. "Justin Bieber needs the-" all of the contestants said before being blown to bits. The camera took a picture and showed all of the contestants being blown away. "That's another photo for the album." Bill said before putting the photo in an album.

**Author's Note:**

**You get the drill. The list that describes each of the contestants in the vaguest way possible. Yes, I'm only doing 20 this time. Got a problem with that?!**

Gary: The Douche Bag

Mac: The Kid Who's Smarter Than The Average Kid

Bloo: The Ignorant Idiot

Daisy: The Tomboy (With 'Masculine' Issues)

Pidove: The Stereotypical Black Guy

Kirby: The Copycat

Mung Daal: The Person That Should Be In The Kit- I Mean, Chef

Ed: The Dumbass Stooge

Edd: The Smart Stooge

Eddy: The Sinister Stooge

SpongeBob: The Positive Thinker

Patrick: The Unbearable Moron

Shadow: The Emo

Finn: The Evil Mastermind In Disguise

Jake: The Too Cool For School Dog

Dexter: The Scientist

Emolga: The Girly Girl

Pikachu: The Manly Man

Zelda: The Spoiled Princess

Yoshi: The Only One Who's Normal


	2. The Assigning Of The Teams

Chapter 2: The Assigning Of The Teams

Moments after the contestants recovered from their explosive photo shoot (pun intended), they found themselves in a set that looked similar to one of those disaster movies. "Well, now that you're all here, it's time to explain today's challenge." Bill said the moment everyone arrived. "Hold on a sec. We just got here minutes ago, and now you want us to compete in a challenge that'll possibly be the death of some or all of us?! This is already better than last season!" Bloo said. "Yes. As a matter of fact, I did decide to change things up. Since I was too damn lazy to assign the teams this year, I thought, 'You know. Maybe I should let the contestants compete in a challenge to determine the teams this time around.' And now you guys and gals are competing in this challenge. Now, onto my explanation of this very challenge." Bill replied.

"Your goal is simple. All you have to do is stay on this platform. However, it's easier said than done. While trying to stay on, the platform will shake, random objects will be thrown at you, and if necessary, bombs will fall on you. The last 4 competitors left standing will become the team captains. Then, you will be able to choose your teammates. But, the challenge isn't over after only 4 remain. There will be a bonus given to the 1 person/creature that manages to stay on. That same person/creature will receive an elimination pass, which will give them the ability to exempt themselves from being eliminated. Whether you decide to use it now or later is up to you."

"Any questions?" Bill finished. No one rose their hand. "Good. Now get your butts on that platform." Within seconds, every competitor were on the said platform. "Are you guys ready?" The contestants said, "No." Bill said, "Don't care. 3, 2, 1... Go!"

And thus, it began. It was an easy start for our contestants. The platform only shook at a light pace. "Please, this is EASY!" Bloo shouted. "Bloo! That's what Bill wants you to think." Mac whispered. Suddenly, the platform shook a lot faster. Everyone gave Bloo a dirty look.

!

** Finn: That blob is just asking to lose this game.**

!

** Emolga: If he's the first to leave, I won't be surprised.**

!

"It's been 30 minutes, and everyone (surprisingly) is still on the platform. We got some tough competitors this year." Bill stated. "It's time to change that." Cheren brought out some cannons and started loading them with random objects. He lit a match and put the fuses on fire. Seconds later, objects started heading towards the contestants. A bowling ball struck Pidove, knocking the poor bird off the platform. "Ooh! That's gonna leave a mark. One down, fifteen more to go." Bill said.

As the challenge went on, more and more contestants succumbed to the random objects being shot at them. Thanks to that, only Finn, Pikachu, Emolga, Daisy, SpongeBob (surprisingly), and Kirby remained once the first hour passed. "It's been one hour, and only 6 contestants are left standing! Who will claim the right to choose teammates? And who will win the elimination pass? All this and more will be answered after the break!" Then, the screen faded to black.

?

***Author's Note***

**I know what you guys are thinking. You're thinking, "What's with the question mark?". Well, shut your dang mouth and let me explain. I decided (to make this season a little more entertaining) to add commercial breaks in between chapters. These are little sketches where I make up a commercial from the top of my head just to get a little extra laugh out of you (though I'll probably fail at times). However, I won't do this every chapter, so don't complain if I don't do one in future chapters. One more thing, they're in script format. Now, onto the advertisement!**

Test Monkey: Aw man. My life sucks!

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Test Monkey: Yay!

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Director: You saw nothing!

Narrator: Buy it now! Warning: The Penile Lifter is not meant to be used in anything wet (including after doing the act of love making). Do not use the Penile Lifter for more than an hour. Otherwise, it'll rip off your penis. If this happens, we will have Lorena Bobbitt pay you $500,000 so you can have your penis reattached (or at least have a new one in place of your old penis).

?

The cameras went back to shooting the show. SpongeBob had fallen during the commercial break, causing him to not be able to become captain (or win a free immunity pass). "We have entered the second hour, and 5 contestants are still standing." Bill said as he pulled a switch. This caused the platform to shake more violently. Everyone that managed to make it this far hung onto the ground for dear life. Sadly, this didn't save Daisy from falling off, eliminating her from the challenge. "And Daisy has left the building. Congrats to Finn, Pikachu, Emolga, and Kirby for being our final 4! But, the challenge is not done. Let's see who has the balls (or in Emolga's case, guts) to win it all."

Another 30 minutes passed, and none of the captains fell. "I was hoping not to use this weapon, but they aren't giving me a choice." Cheren said as he pushed a red button. Not only did the platform shake more violently, but bombs started to fall from above. The explosions knocked Pikachu and Emolga off the platform, leaving Finn and Kirby to fight for the prize. "There goes Pikachu and Emolga. Now that's an explosive exit." Bill said before a tomato was thrown at his face. "Bad taste, man." Jake said.

On the platform, Finn suddenly grew an evil-looking grin on his face. Something about that doesn't seem right.

!

** Finn: I may be known as a hero from where I come from (trust me, it's awesome), but I don't want to be a hero on this show. I'm going to do something completely different. And what better way to start that than by stabbing a fellow contestant in the back.**

!

A bowling ball was heading for Finn, but he grabbed it at the last minute. Then, he 'accidentally' dropped it towards Kirby. "Kirby! Look out!" he screamed. However, the pink puffball was too slow to notice and got nailed by the bowling ball, causing him to fall off the platform. "It's over! Finn wins the elimination pass!" Bill announced. Everyone was cheering Finn on. "Now. Let's assign the teams."

And soon, everyone found themselves in 4 groups. Here's how it went:

**Red Team: Finn, Jake, Ed, Mung Daal, and Patrick**

**Blue Team: Kirby, SpongeBob, Zelda, Shadow, and Dexter**

**Yellow Team: Pikachu, Yoshi, Eddy, Mac, and Bloo **

**Green Team: Emolga, Pidove, Gary, Daisy, and Edd**

In front of the contestants were 4 colored RV's. "So, instead of cabins, we live in RV's?" Pikachu asked. "Yep. Now, have a nice day." Bill said before letting the contestants do whatever they pleased. "Well. That wraps up our first episode. What kind of drama does this season have in store? Find out on the next episode of… Retard… Action!"


	3. I Never Thought I Would Die This Way

Chapter 3: I Never Thought I Would Die This Way

On this fine morning, we find our contestants enjoying their beauty sleep. That is, until a ruckus began. Sounds of hammers slamming on metal, drills drilling screws into holes, and bulldozers filled the air. Everyone woke up (some having it worse than others). "What the f**k?! It's 7 in the *** damn morning! Do you know that I need my beauty sleep?!" screamed Gary, who was poking his head out of one of the windows. Bill noticed him and said, "I do, and I don't care. Now if you'll excuse me, me and Cheren have something to build." So Bill and Cheren continued with what they were doing.

!

** Gary: This better not happen on a daily basis.**

** Pidove: *outside the confessional*. Trust me. It will.**

** Gary: *sighs heavily*. Son of a bitch.**

!

This onslaught of annoying noises went on until lunchtime. In the cafeteria, the contestants sighed in relief. "It's about time. That was getting on my last nerve." Bloo blurted out before stuffing… I don't know, something gross, into his mouth. Of course, like any person with good taste, he pukes it out. "He expects us to eat this crud!" Pidove stated, "Unfortunately." Bloo groaned as he slammed his face into the table. "Fellow contestants (and Pidove)!" a voice shouted. Everyone turned to see Bill in something that a person from the Capitol would wear. "Sheesh. What store did you go to?" Finn asked. "Wal-Mart." Bill said point blank. "Anyways, it's time to begin your first real challenge." The contestants were afraid of what the devil of a host had in mind. "Seriously? None of you are gonna ask me, 'Which is?' or, 'What's the challenge?'. Man, you guys are pansies. Regardless, the challenge is basically the Hunger Games."

!

** Pidove: Yep. He's lost his damn mind.**

!

"Hold on a minute. So you're saying we have to literally kill each other?" Mac asked despite knowing the answer. Bill nodded his head. "You see, kids. This is what happens when you become desensitized to violence. You become as mentally insane as this guy." Finn said to the audience. "Thanks for the compliment, Finn. It is very well appreciated." Bill said as sarcastically as ever. "So what are we waiting for? Get your asses to that dome over there." Everyone looked to where Bill was pointing and saw a dome twice as big as any football stadium you can name. "Damn!" Pikachu blurted out.

!

** Shadow: Okay, this show isn't as bad as I thought. This could actually be fun.**

!

Moments later, everyone had a suit on and were being transported to the dome. While in the limo, each of them had a tracker inserted to their right arm. A few more moments later, they were inside. "Okay guys. Find yourselves a circle pad." Bill announced. It took some time, but everyone eventually found themselves on a circle pad. "Now, don't step off until I say so." Bloo got cocky and asked, "Why? Are we gonna blow up?" Like a dumbass, he stepped off the pad and got blown to smithereens. His body parts were all over the place, and the ground was covered in blood. Most of the contestants were trying to keep their lunch. "Yes." Bill stated. "The challenge will begin in 60 seconds." Suddenly, a holographic timer appeared in the middle of the field. It started to count down. While waiting, everyone looked at where they were at. They found themselves in an empty field with nothing but a Cornucopia and a lake. Weapons and goodie bags were scattered all over. The closer they were to the Cornucopia, the better they were. The timer only had 10 seconds remaining, and everyone was in some sort of starting position. Some were looking at the forest up ahead, some were looking at the weapons and goodie bags, and the rest were looking at the source of fresh water. Finally, the timer was at 0. The contestants ran for their freaking lives. All of the Blues were running for the forest, with only a dagger and a small goodie bag in hand. The Greens headed for the lake, with only a medium-sized goodie bag. The Reds and what was left of the Yellows ran straight to the Cornucopia. Mung found a huge goodie bag and ran for it. But, Eddy saw it too and ran to get it. Both of them made it and grabbed the bag. However, they soon started to fight over it. It was an endless tug of war. Seconds later, the war ended when Finn threw a knife in Eddy's chest. "Come on! We don't have time to waste!" Finn demanded. Both of the Reds took the bag and ran like Hell. Patrick found a sword, but dropped it as soon as he was chopped in half by an axe that Ed was using. "You idiot! He was on our side!" Mung screamed. "Oops." Ed apologized. Mung dropped the subject and told Ed to follow him and the others. Soon, all that was left in the field was the Cornucopia, the weapons and goodie bags that were left behind, and Bloo, Eddy, and Patrick's rotting bodies.

Meanwhile, the Green team just got out of the lake. They were on the other side, and went into the forest. Suddenly, the sound of cannons shooting three times could be heard. "Three people died already?! Talk about a bloodbath." Zelda said out of nowhere. "What's the plan?" Daisy asked Emolga. "First, let's see what we have in this bag." Emolga said as she started opening the bag they got from the Cornucopia. Inside the bag were an inflatable mattress for five, tools to build a tent, food to last a week, a water container, a pot, and tools to make a fire. "Nice! This bag has everything we need." Gary said. Soon after, the tent was built, their food supplies were put in a safe place, they had plenty of water, and a campfire was made (because it was freezing out there). "I must admit. This bag really came in handy." Daisy said before getting comfy on the inflatable mattress. Suddenly, the sound of footsteps could be heard from outside the tent. "What the heck was that?!" Daisy quietly got out of the tent. She looked around the tent to find nothing but the bushes and trees from before. "Huh. I could've sworn I heard something run-" Before she could finish her sentence, the sound from earlier could be heard again. "I knew it! Alright, you coward. Show yourself!" Daisy got into her fighting pose and waited for something to pop up. When something did, it stabbed her in the knee. Someone had shot an arrow into her knee (talk about a forced internet reference). "Ow! Not only does this hurt, but it's also outdated. Seriously, this is SO 2011." Another arrow flew towards Daisy, and pierced her other knee. "Now you're just being an ignorant a**hole!" Gary ran out of the tent to find the princess in her current situation. "Wow. That's sad." he said. He went to Daisy and pulled the arrows out of her knees. "F**K ME!" she screamed. "Anytime, my dear." Gary whispered in Daisy's ear. Daisy pushed him out of her way before screaming, "Pervert!"

!

** Daisy: I've never wanted to be dead until that moment. *shudders*.**

!

"Well, nothing major seems to be going on right now. So, let's just cut to commercial." Bill said before the cameras faded to black.

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Attention Whore: Ugh! I don't have any good pictures to post on Instagram. I know! I should get string cheese and take a picture of it. Why didn't I think of this sooner?!

Narrator: Pause. *Attention Whore and everything else freezes*. You see what I see? I see something that's becoming a trend (and not a good one at that). If you thought 'It's just some blonde girl attempting to take a picture.', then you're a f**king dumbass who should be buried six feet underground. You see, I had a daughter that did the same thing. I brutally murdered her when I saw her do this sin. And that's why I'm on death row. The moral, you ask? Don't take pictures of whatever food you have at your house and post them on Instagram. Otherwise, you'll look like an attention whore (like my daughter (and iJustine)).

Me: This has been a Public Service Announcement made by the creators of Instagram.

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The cameras started rolling again. Bill was doing the things he was doing before the break. "Welcome back to Retard Action!" Bill said to the audience. "During the break, nothing happened. Now, why don't we see what the Red team is up to?"

Somewhere in the upper part of the forest, the Red team had a camp somewhat similar to the Green team's, but it looked fancier. It had everything the Green team's camp had, but it also had extra mattresses, more food, a water container that was actually filled with fresh water, weapons, and poisonous berries. Unfortunately, they learned that the hard way when Ed ate one of the berries. Within seconds, Ed fell face first to the ground, and succumbed to the poison-filled berry. A cannon shot was heard 5 seconds later. The remainder of the Red team made room for the aircraft that picked up Ed's lifeless body. "Okay. Let's make sure we save those berries for our opponents." Finn told Jake and Mung. "Good idea." Jake agreed.

As time went by, midnight was just around the corner. A theme started to play. When everyone looked up to the sky, they saw a projection screen. It showed all of those that have died throughout the day. Tears fell from those who were close to the fallen competitors (some cried a lot more than others). As the last person was shown, the projection disappeared into thin air. "Midnight already? This day went by a lot faster than I thought." Pikachu said before falling asleep.

The next morning, the Yellows woke up with a violent start (not that they had a good sleep to begin with. I mean, they slept on a tree with nothing but a strap that kept them from falling off in the middle of the night. Yeah. Not very comfortable if you ask me.). A shriek could be heard from below the tree. Pikachu was the first to notice that Yoshi was nowhere to be seen. "Mac. Where's Yoshi?" he asked his only other teammate. "I don't know." Mac yawned. The two Yellows looked down to see Yoshi being chased by a bunch of wasps. "SOMEBODY HELP ME!" the dinosaur screamed at the top of his lungs. Sadly, he tripped on a rock and fell to the ground. That's when the series of stings began. The poor guy just got stung over and over again. He eventually gave in to the toxins that was found in the stingers. A cannon shot could be heard. "Looks like it's just us, now." Mac said in a sorrowful fashion. The wasps that didn't sting Yoshi flew away as the aircraft came to take Yoshi's dead body away.

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** Pikachu: This isn't a good sign for me and Mac. We can't repeat history. We have to avoid elimination on the first week.**

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Meanwhile, the Green team woke up in a more peaceful manner. "How's the water coming along?" Emolga asked. Edd got out of the tent to check on their water supply. "It's looking great." Edd said before getting back in the tent. "Fantastic. If we keep this up, we can win without any of us dying." Emolga said with a big, fat smile on her face. Suddenly, smoke filled the tent. "Do any of you smell chicken?" Pidove asked. It only took one look outside to see the entire forest in flames. "We need to get the hell out of here!" Gary asked, "Why?" Pidove opened the tent. "Oh, that's why." The Green team scrambled out of the tent and ran for their freaking lives. Everywhere they looked, they saw nothing but flames and smoke. And it doesn't help that the smoke makes it hard to see. Also, it made breathing almost impossible. "Good job on jinxing us, Emolga!" Pidove coughed. "I'm sorry, okay!" Emolga coughed. The Green team almost tripped when they saw a huge gap right in front of them. "Oh that's just great! How the hell are we gonna get across?!" Gary yelled. They frantically looked for a way across. And not a moment too soon, Daisy found a way. "Guys, look! A log!" she shouted. "It's too skinny! There's no way we'll all be able to stand on that log." Edd stated. "We have to try! Even if it becomes the death of us." Daisy said, trying to encourage her teammates. Without too much hesitation, everyone was on the log. "See. Nothing bad happened." Daisy reassured her teammates. But, as they made their way to the other side, it started to break. "I told you it was too skinny." Edd reminded Daisy. Then, out of nowhere, Gary shoved Pidove off the log. The bird fell down the seemingly-bottomless pit. "What the hell, Gary?!" Emolga screamed. "What? I was getting rid of dead weight." Gary said flat out as another sound of a cannon shooting could be heard. Seconds later, the remaining Greens made it to the other side. "Phew. We finally made it." Emolga said, "Yeah. After you practically murdered Pidove." Gary asked, "Are you gonna turn that into a grudge or something? And who knows. Maybe someone else died." His teammates rolled their eyes as they continued walking.

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** Gary: My God. My teammates are a bunch of babies. Well, except Daisy, of course.**

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The Reds could be found at the Cornucopia. Like the Green team, they were covered in soot. "Nice job, you idiot! You managed to burn down our camp and the entire forest." Finn screamed at Mung. "Chill out! At least we killed one of our opponents." Mung stated. "That doesn't change the fact that you almost got US killed in the process!" Jake screamed. "Look, I know I screwed up, but we can make the best out of this situation. I mean, look around. We're surrounded by weapons and goodie bags. We can just rebuild everything here." Mung reminded Finn and Jake. "He has a point." Jake agreed. "Fine. We'll build a new camp here." Finn sighed. "But may I remind you that we're out in the open. If we die because of that reason alone, you're in deep s**t after this challenge. Got it?" Mung replied, "Understood." Soon after, the Reds started building their new camp.

All of the Blues managed to get out of the forest without a scratch. "Aw man. Now my dress is ruined." Zelda complained. "Forget about your dress. My lab coat is in pieces." Dexter complained. "Will you two whiners shut your *** damn mouths?!" Shadow yelled. Zelda and Dexter were wide-eyed in fear. "Come on, guys. There's no need to fight." SpongeBob said while trying to maintain the situation. "You stay out of this!" Shadow shouted. "Y-Yes sir!" SpongeBob stuttered. While Zelda and Dexter were arguing, Kirby noticed something sticking out of the ground. He pulled it out and discovered that it was a nuke. "(Insert another sound that Kirby makes here.)" Kirby shouted, which translated to 'Look at what I've found'. "A nuke? Why is there a nuke near a lake?" Dexter asked. "Who cares? Let's use it to kill the others." Zelda said in a really creepy manner. Her teammates gave her a weird look. "Isn't that the point of this challenge?" Her teammates nodded in agreement as quickly as they gave her a weird look.

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** Shadow: Wow. She's more blood thirsty than I am. That's a first.**

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Dexter was rearranging some wires in the nuke. Eventually, he got it to where it would blow up under his command. "With this button, I can make this nuke blow up everything within a 50-mile radius." he explained. "But isn't this dome, like, 100 miles big?" Zelda asked. Dexter realized the flaw with this nuke. "Oh damn. That is a problem. Well, let's get a move on." Dexter said before leaving.

Fifty and a half miles (just to be safe) later, the Blues were at the Cornucopia (aka, Red territory). "Finally!" Zelda shouted before falling on her butt. Suddenly, arrows flew past the Blues. "What in the-" Dexter yelled as more arrows flew towards the Blue team. Kirby noticed that it was the Red team. When they shot more arrows, Kirby swallowed them all. He turned into an archer and started fighting back. "Go Kirby!" SpongeBob cheered. Despite their best efforts, the Reds couldn't get an arrow to hit Kirby. The pink puffball managed to hit Mung in the knee (again with the outdated internet references). "Ouch!" the old fart yelled. "Damn! He's too good. We better make a run for it." Finn said while running from the battlefield. "Wait for us!" Jake yelled while chasing after Finn. "You forgot about me!" Mung yelled before getting shot dozens of times. Yet another cannon shot could be heard, proclaiming that Mung was long gone. "Aw yeah! Another one bites the du- Whoa!" Dexter cheered before tripping. He accidentally let go of the button that detonated the nuke. Unfortunately, when the button hit the ground, it hit with enough force to make the nuke go off. Or did it? Rather, the nuke flew into the sky. "Dexter. What did you do?" Shadow asked. "Uh, I… sort of… dropped the button." Dexter explained. "YOU WHAT?!" Shadow screamed. Then, the nuke started falling down. Unfortunately, it was heading for the Blue team. Shadow took one last look at Dexter and said, "You f**king dumb-" A huge explosion went off, killing all of the Blues and the rest of the Reds.

Back at Bill's office, Bill turned on his megaphone and announced, "Well, it looks like the Blue team will be facing elimination tonight. And the Red team just got in 3rd. That only leaves the Yellows and the Greens. Which team will win? My bet's on the Green team."

Nothing really happened for the rest of the day. Midnight arrived again, and the theme started playing once again. The projection screen from the day before showed up to present everyone that fell victim to death. When Pidove's picture was shown, Emolga said to Gary, "You didn't have to do that to him." Gary asked, "What did you expect me to do? Let us all die?" Like before, the projection was out of sight the minute the theme ended.

Morning was upon the final 6, and it was more peaceful for the Yellows than the day before. "Morning, Mac." Pikachu yawned. "Good morning." Mac yawned back. "What should we do?" Pikachu answered, "I don't know." All of a sudden, he heard a buzzing noise. He tracked the whereabouts of the noise and saw a hive full of wasps. They were the same wasps that took Yoshi's life. "Mac. Whatever you do, don't move or make a sound." Very quickly and quietly, Pikachu crawled to the hive. He took a butcher out and started cutting the branch that supported the hive. Unlike Katniss, however, he managed to cut it off without getting stung. The hive crashed onto the ground, and smashed into a million pieces. However, Pikachu was unaware that the Green team was right below him and Mac. The screams of the Green team could be heard. Pikachu didn't dare to look at the gruesome scene. "What's going on?!" Mac asked. "You don't need to know." Pikachu stated. When the screaming died down, Pikachu grew enough guts to look down. Everyone except Emolga were still there. However, they were each covered in bumps. Three loud cannon shots could be heard from afar. "_Three down, one more to go._" Pikachu thought. "Come on, Mac." Mac asked, "Where are we going?" Pikachu replied, "We're going to hunt down a certain squirrel."

The two Yellows started climbing down from the tree they called home for two days. At the bottom, they started hunting for Emolga. Hours went by, and they still found no trace of the flying squirrel. "This isn't getting us anywhere." Mac said out of boredom. "Calm down. I know she's here. I can smell her presence." Pikachu said. Mac rolled his eyes and said, "Whatever." Then, out of nowhere, the sound of something being pierced could be heard. When Pikachu turned around, he saw that Mac had an arrow piercing through his stomach. Mac fell to the ground, and died from the massive amount of blood loss. "Damn it! Alright, girly! Show yourself!" Pikachu shouted as the semifinal cannon shot blasted. Finally, after much searching, Emolga revealed herself. "Hey Pikachu." she said. The minute Pikachu looked at Emolga, the love bug bit him where it effected him the most. "H-Hi Emolga." he stuttered, his face turning a shade of red (and not in an angry way). "Could you be a gentleman and try this berry? I made it myself." she asked while holding out an obviously poisonous berry. "Anything for you, sweet cheeks." he said like he was in a trance. Pikachu took the berry and ate it. Suddenly, something didn't feel right in his stomach. Then, it got worse when he started to puke blood. Eventually, the pain was too much, and he succumbed to the poison. "Too easy." Emolga said before the last cannon shot blasted.

Again, at Bill's office, Bill took his megaphone and announced, "The Green team wins today's challenge! As for the Blue team, meet me at the elimination ceremony in two hours."

Two hours later, the Blue team were sitting on bleachers. A stage stood in front of them. In the middle of the stage was a red couch. Bill was behind a stand that was obviously taken from one of those fancy award shows. "Welcome, losers." Bill said, who was wearing a fancier tuxedo than usual. "Cut the bulls**t, Bill." Shadow said. "Jeez. You're just like Sonic. Anyways, it's time to begin your first elimination ceremony. Things are a little different this year. Instead of receiving marshmallows, the two contestants with the most votes will be sitting in what I call the 'Hotseat.' The contestant with the most votes will not only be eliminated from the game, but they will have to step on this red X. Under this red X is a trapdoor. I'm pretty sure that's self-explanatory. Any questions?" Bill explained. Zelda rose her hand. "Yes, Zelda?" Zelda asked, "Who's gonna be in the 'Hotseat' tonight?" Bill answered, "I was gonna get to that. It looks like Dexter and you will be our test monkeys." The two unlucky competitors sat their sorry butts on the Hotseat. "Now, it's time to reveal the results. By a vote of 4 to a-scientist-my-ass… Dexter, you are the first person to be voted off of Retard Action!" Dexter immediately got pissed at the results and yelled, "What is this I'm hearing?! Me, the first person voted off?! How did this even happen?!" Shadow answered, "Two words. The, and nuke. Bye, loser!" Dexter got off the Hotseat and stepped on the red X. The trapdoor opened, and Dexter fell, never to be seen again. "As for the rest of you, return to your RV. You're safe (for now)." Bill said while the Blue team left. "Well, the game has officially begun. Who'll be the next sucker to fall down the Trapdoor of Loserville? Find out on the next episode of… Retard… Action!"


End file.
